Nostalgia (Part 2)

“What kind of question is this?” She gave me a weird look “I love him more than anything else, no matter in what condition he is, I love my son” saying that she picked up the cups and went inside. She wasn’t bothered by my question but she guessed by my gesture that I wasn’t listening to her. In fact I wasn’t present there. I was somewhere else. 

 I remembered, ten years ago, it was a monsoon evening when I came to this city, with dreams of “bright future” in my eyes. It was raining cats and dogs when I had reached here and swept under the shelter of a shop. I compared that rainy weather with the present time. Two rainy evenings... Now I had everything I wanted. But still there was something missing in my life. I had a home, a good job, a lovely wife and a son. This seemed to be an ideal picture on the canvas of life. We always seek happiness in others; we never search for it inside our souls. For people around me, I was very happy but my soul was wretched, I was shattered. And I was trying to collect the pieces of my shattered soul at this moment. There was some void inside me.

 I recalled my childhood, my family, my past and my first meeting with my partner. I thought I never existed in this world. It was just like a vacuum. Everyone who met me added a piece and made my personality... I was almost complete But still one part was missing... the peace of mind and soul…

(To be Continued) 

Nostalgia

“Look there” She said pointing her finger towards a kid, who was in rags, running in the street, flowing like a river. I was standing with her in the balcony of flat, Feeling the music of rain with mugs of coffee. It was raining since morning. After the hot and humid week, it was a gift of Lord for us. I was feeling dead inside, Rain was reincarnation for me. 

Birds were chanting, music of showers was soothing, drops of water falling on our faces, layers of clouds playing like kids on the sky, watching the unseen and feeling the warmth in rain. I felt life at that moment. “Oh! That’s life” instead of looking towards that creature in the street I replied to her looking at her deep shining eyes. “What are you thinking?” She felt something. “Nothing, Bust wondering,What else I expect from this life" I said "What do you think the people who bring ‘sun shine” in our life are more important or the one who provides shadow” She gave a sad smile and came more close to me. “Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain” I replied putting my mug aside.

After few moments of silence, she jumped and asked again “Do you like watching sun set at beach or dawning?” Instead of replying her question I asked her “Do you like watching your son standing at the door steps or you feel more comfort when he comes back and put his head in your lap?” ….. (To Be Continued)

..Life

You may have read many definitions of life, every time you find new words, new phenomenon, new ideology about life. but question remains the same. What is life? Life means Death! Really? Have you ever imagined You are alive just after your death? or heard something like that I am alive because I am dead. Or you can say I am not dead that's why I am alive.

Life .. is nothing... But just a life.. Why we always compare each and everything with other. Life with death, Joy with Sorrow, Black with White, this with that and blah blah! I always keep one thing in my mind, we should enjoy and take pleasure of being what we are. We always try to show off to other which we are not. We should always accept, accept what we are. and what we are? you know you are? then you should try to figure out who you are? why we are? and what will be we?

Life is struggle... struggle for what.. confused? Yes am also.. why we are struggling so much in life? for status? for love? for money? fo job? for family? nah.. we are struggle just for life.. Life is the other name of struggle.. the one who can not struggle for anything or gets everything in his bedroom is not a alive person. he is dead ! so in our whole life we are just struggling for our death and when we are successful and achieve our goals we depart from this life. life mean just living a life. nothing more than that! wish you a happy life.. ha ha ha

"Sorry"

I've heard it all before

I've heard it all before

I've heard it all before
I've heard it all before


I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna know

Please don't say you're sorry
I've heard it all before
And I can take care of myself
I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna know
Please don't say 'Forgive me'
I've seen it all before
And I can't take it anymore

I was listening to this song... several thoughts came across my mind... I don't wanna say... I don't wanna know? Don't say sorry... How can it be? Why should I don't say a single word to you!?

Sometimes... I feel solitude in the crowd of my friends... I like making friends... Every day I meet several new faces... But most of them don't remember my face... there was always a Heart... that beats for me... 

I tried to change the music, even tried to switch off! But I couldn't. Song was "ringing" in my mind. Mind or Heart? I couldn't differentiate. 

Even I do not dream about her. I do not want to live in the world of dreams. Sometimes give you strengths but Dreaming is the escape from reality. I feel that somebody is still with me... I talk, tease, cry and smile with her!

She is no more with me. and I do not wanna say "sorry" for the words I said, and for the words I didn't said, for the deeds I did and for what I didn't, for making her happy, for making her sad, for making her precious, for her cry and sorrow, for her love and hate, for her care and for her carelessness, and I do not want to say "Sorry" to her! Because she is with me. I can see her in monitor of my personal machine, I can feel her in the shining sun shine, I can see her smiling face in the blue moon, I can hear her in chanting birds, and I know she knows her worth! Worth of being my soul! I feel her in being me! So... I am not guilty of myself. So why I should apologize to myself!

But I am listening to her echoes 

 “Don’t wanna hear, I don't wanna know

Please don't say you're sorry

I've heard it all before

And I can take care of myself

I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna know”

Please don't say 'forgive me'

I've seen it all before

And I can't take it anymore"

who am I?

Who am I?

This is question of my life.
sometimes I think I rule the world and sometimes I feel the desire of being lonely
Who created me and why Im here in this world what is thepurpose of my life?
what makes me happy and why I became sad?
Questions are for questions?
but in the dept there is something.
I wake up in the morning take break fast. rushes towards office, listen the lecture of my boss daily, tease my collegues, and another blank day of my life passed!!!
thats all.
coming back to home also doesnt make me happy either.
b'coz no body is waiting for me at home.
My parents, my bro, my sis all r in Rawalpindi.
what am I doin here?
No answer.